Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first scientist says “I’ll have a glass of H2O”
The second scientist says “Who comes into a fucking bar for a drink of water? I’ll have a beer.”
My friend went away for ten days so I decided it would be the perfect time to wrap everything she owns in alfoil
a kanye west convention
I been thinking about this I can’t decide to call it conye or kanye fest
the shocking truth is revealed
"go away mom, i’m eating commander crunch"
i want to do laundry but I’m allergic to the detergent we have and I don’t want my clothes to make me itchy anymore life is hard
my life is a joke and i’m not laughing anymore
I would literally throw last year’s version of myself down a set of stairs
YOU TOOK THE DOTS OFF THE BOWL
the only card i will ever send